Big Time BS'er
- Joined
- Dec 19, 2007
- Messages
- 571
Go to Google and type in 'Find Chuck Norris' then hit 'I'm Feeling Lucky'
Enjoy
Enjoy
Find Chuck Norris
- Thread starter Anna Perenna
- Start date
Progressive Killer
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2007
- Messages
- 4,067
Thats pretty cool, I have always loved Chuck Norris jokes:here are a couple of my favorites:
-Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
-Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
-Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
-Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
-The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
-When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
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-Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
-Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
-Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
-Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
-The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
-When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
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Administering the BS
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2007
- Messages
- 2,167
That wasn't a google url SNAFU, it was a fake out.snafu said:It seems somebody at Google has a sence of humor.
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I don't like you.
- Joined
- Aug 27, 2007
- Messages
- 2,125
* Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
* Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
* Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
* When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
* Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
* Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
* A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
* Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
* The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
* After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
* Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.
* Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
* If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
* One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea- bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
* There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
* It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
* Scientists used to think that diamond was the hardest substance in the universe, until they met Chuck Norris, who promptly roundhouse kicked them in the face until the intense heat and pressure turned the scientists into artificial Chuck Norris'.
* Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
* The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris-more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris-robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
* Chuck Norris was the fourth Wise Man. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wise Men, jealous of Jesus's obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick-related deaths.
* Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling "Bang!"
* Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
* Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
* Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
* When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
* Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
* Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
* Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
* Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
* When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
* Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
* Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
* A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
* Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
* The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
* After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
* Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.
* Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
* If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
* One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea- bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
* There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
* It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
* Scientists used to think that diamond was the hardest substance in the universe, until they met Chuck Norris, who promptly roundhouse kicked them in the face until the intense heat and pressure turned the scientists into artificial Chuck Norris'.
* Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
* The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris-more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris-robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
* Chuck Norris was the fourth Wise Man. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wise Men, jealous of Jesus's obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick-related deaths.
* Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling "Bang!"
* Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
* Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
* Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
* When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
* Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
* Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
Big Time BS'er
- Joined
- Dec 19, 2007
- Messages
- 571
When Chuck Norris sends in his tax return, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
Chuck Norris has never had to pay tax.
Chuck Norris has never had to pay tax.